New Years Resolutions, and the Language We Use

i came back to edit the previous post because i realized that i'd used the word crazy, when i totally didn't have to.


i like to think i'm generally pretty conscious of oppressive language - i don't spend time with people who use words like retarded or lame, i think about the history of words, not just how they're used now (see my embroidery piece about the word "pimp"), i ask people not to use offensive terms around me, etc, but crazy, insane, nuts, etc still slip by my radar way more often than i'd like.


i have mixed feelings about a lot of the misogyny and body hate and consumerism mixed in with new year's resolutions, and for a long time adamantly refused to make any, but in the last few years i've seen the value of self reflection and making commitments to yourself (though i still don't think it has to be january 1st! why not your birthday? or one of the solstices?).

but anyway, the base of pretty much everyone's resolutions are to improve themselves in some way. no one resolves to be an asshole more often, right? i'm still thinking on new year's resolutions for this year - the first one is to keep my house clean, so i've been frantically cleaning for two days to be able to start off fresh.


but improvement is pretty much the base of my overall new year's resolutions, which are really just continuations of previous personal commitments anyway. i want to live my life as honestly, authentically and affectionately as i can. i want to be proud of the things i've said and done, of the messages i send out into the world, of the people i let into my life. i want to be conscious of my privilege, and to accept feedback about it graciously. i never want to perpetuate oppression in any way, either directly or indirectly.

which leads me back to the first few paragraphs of this post. oppressive language.

i'm going to quote from the pimp post, because i was apparently feeling pretty eloquent when i wrote that -
words have power. words are SO freaking powerful. remember as kids "sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me"? what about "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can break my heart"? changing your language is an incredibly powerful political act. refusing to use or promote oppressive language, THINKING about what the words you say mean, those things lead to so much more. your language is something that YOU can control, regardless of what laws are passed, what funding is unavailable, what stupid thing a politician did, regardless of how much time or money or energy you have available to volunteer and get involved. your language affects your thoughts, and those of the people around you. it's a small thing, but something that can have a huge impact throughout your life.

okay, go back, and read that again. seriously.


also,

maranda, who's pretty fucking fabulous, wrote an amazing post about the word crazy, that i totally recommend that you go check out.

and if you're new to thinking about language and oppression, especially in the context of dis/ability, FWD, Feminists With Disabilities, has a great series about ableist language, including some words that i'm sure you've never stopped to think about before.



this year, take some time for self reflection, and go further than the usual "i'm gonna get healthier" type of resolution. personally, i'm much more interested in emotional and spiritual health anyway.

things all able bodied people should read - or even non-able-bodied people, who don't have fibro or chronic fatigue

i was going to post about the embroidery drama tonight, but then i realized that today was blogging against disablism day (BADD), and decided that posting the links i've been collecting would be a better idea.

i posted the other day and mentioned that i have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue (as well as a few other things), and that's why sometimes i get behind on posting, i'm just not feeling coherent enough, or i've been feeling so crummy that i have very little to actually post about!

i thought i'd post a few links, to things that i found interesting, or that really resonated with me. i've been extremely lucky to have close friends and family who try to understand, for the most part, with a few notable exceptions, but i know it's hard for even them to understand. they see me on a regular basis (the family at least, friends, unfortunately not as often), and have a general idea of what's going on in my life, but there's more to it than being tired or weak or walking funny. there's the pain that i don't talk about, because frankly i get tired of talking about it sometimes, there's the "fog", the confusion and inability to think clearly and remember things, there's the emotional strain, the stress, the overwhelming sadness that i feel sometimes, the frustration with the ableist behaviours of the people and the world around me, the constant stress of dealing with my disability company and various doctors, the frustration at being unable to do things that i used to do, the seclusion, the wear and tear on my body that "faking" healthy for short periods causes, and so much more.

renee at womanist musings posted a post for BADD called fibromyalgia: the invisible pain that's very very good.

the spoon theory from butyoudontlooksick.com is a bit of a classic, but something that i wish everyone would read. (pdf)

The Open Letter To Those Without CFS/Fibro is good, with the exception of the last bit about getting better. quite frankly, there is no cure. the sooner we can move beyond the ableist idea that getting better and back to "regular" life is the holy grail, the sooner we can see the value in people regardless of dis/ability (and thus allow ourselves to live full lives with disabilities without shame or depression). there's nothing inherently WRONG about having a disability. there is no value to it, good or bad, it simply IS. the values that we subscribe to around dis/ability are values that society has placed on it and on the people people living in differently abled bodies. these values are about as accurate as the values society has placed on women's bodies, and haven't we figured out by now what a crock of shit that is?

the invisible illness bingo card is great. (with the exception of the author's response re: medical pot in the comments. it was a valid point, and that was just rude, frankly) goddamn i hate that shit, yet you get it all the time. some of the ones i've gotten -
"maybe it's the ink from your tattoos that's making you sick" right grandma, cause that's exactly why everyone with tattoos has fibro, but no one without tattoos ever gets it!
"it's not like you're REALLY disabled, so i don't think you have any right to say if you think something seems ableist. it's not like you use a cane or something." first, ALL people have a responsibility to dispute oppressive behaviours, so my ability or lack of ability has nothing whatsoever to do with your oppressive behaviours, but good try. second, lots of people with disabilities don't use mobility aids, for lots of different reasons, that doesn't mean that they don't really have disabilities! i rarely use one because if i'm bad enough to need it that day, i'm not leaving my freaking house, but that's actually none of your business.
"oh, you're so LUCKY! i'd love to sleep all day/stay home/not work/get a massage" this is by far the most common. trust me, you wouldn't really love it. i sleep all day because i'm freaking exhausted. not because i stayed up all night drinking and dancing, or even stayed up all night crafting, but because i tried to do something like go to the grocery store. sometimes i'm freaking exhausted for no reason at all! and if i could work, i WOULD work. i miss work! and massages freaking hurt. my twice weekly massages are loosen up my muscles so that they don't hurt more, they are not surface spa massages. they hurt. trust me.
"you're too young to be this sick, so you must be imagining it!" thank you mr specialist. it's so nice to know that you've gone to medical school for so many years and yet you learned so little.
"hey, you should buy this magic drink that i sell on the side! it'll totally cure you!" this one came from the president of my union local. yes, it really did. that was the extent of the support he gave me. hence why we went over his head to the provincial level. i unfortunately work in a fairly conservative area, and so he continues to be re-elected despite his sexist, racist, homophobic and ableist attitudes.
"if you stopped eating this/drinking this/smoking this, you'd be cured!" right. it's just that easy. thanks!
"it's just because you're fat" right. which totally explains why so many skinny and averaged size people ALSO have fibro and CFS!
"it's all in your head" actually, in some ways it kinda is, because they think it has to do with how our bodies react to and respond to pain (hence why anti-seizure drugs are commonly used to treat fibro). but i don't think that's what you meant.
and more. lots more. i get the "my coworker's sister-in-law's cousin's ex boyfriend's sister tried this and it cured her" one all the freaking time too.

this post, fibromyalgia: when your brain is not your friend is really good, and i actually sent it to my mom last week. there are a few things i disagree with (i don't know where people keep getting this idea that the pain is consistent for your entire life! where are all these fibro patients who say that? everyone i know is the opposite! and god, enough with the "suffering from" crap. people "living with", okay?), but it's a really good description of the less pain focused effects of fibro. the comments are highly annoying, just as a warning.

this post at the hand mirror is FABULOUS. i am so freaking tired of the word "lame" being used to equal bad, and so frustrated by otherwise politically aware people refusing to acknowledge that their insistence in using the word IS oppressive and inappropriate.




and there are SO MANY more blog posts posted today that are linked to the diary of a goldfish, and i haven't even begun to read the majority of them!